Mother Blogger

O OOH-OOH THAT SMELL, CAN'T YOU SMELL THAT SMELL?

Yesterday I explored good smells.  I guess I need to talk about the other side of that. Americans are known by other countries as being extremely clean and good smelling.  That's because of our phobia about natural smells like sweat and dogs and waste and decomp and stuff.

Decomposition is tricky.  Like some guy once said about pornography, "I can't describe it, but I know it when I see it", that's the way I feel about decomp.  Since it is carried by the wind, usually you will smell it for a minute, then it will go away.  That's what makes it so hard to find.  Once it took us several days to find a dead cat under our house, squirming with maggots.

I have a pretty good sense of smell.  Once in East Texas we had a dishwasher that smelled terrible when you opened it.  The odor was just like that of menstrual blood.  But the dishwasher was clean as a whistle.  Finally it broke, and when the repairman came, he found the drain clogged with iron.  Iron, from the red dirt of east texas, was in the water and everything.  Even our dogs pooped red.  Iron, which is a big component of menstrual blood.

It seems like every 7th grade kid in Texas makes the obligatory trip to the Alamo for Texas History.  I recall our home room teacher, Paul Dralle, instructing us all to take a bath that morning and to wear deodorant.  Thirty years later I was walking past the school of my 8th grade niece in Carmine, who pointed out the 7th grader's wing.  "Seventh-graders stink," she said. Which reminded me of Mr. Dralle's speech.

One of the most evil smells I know is Valerian root.  Take a whiff.  Make a gross face.  The take second whiff to see if it is as bad as you think.  It is.  It's like smelly sneakers sprinkled with parmesan cheese.  Then make all your friends smell it.  Once I sprinkled some down my blouse and sat next to my brother-in-law to see if he would do anything.  He's so polite, from Costa Rica, He did not say a word until I revealed the scam.

And you know how we Americans like to think we smell so good and everything.  Drive by the sewage plant sometime without holding your breath.  We made that smell.  You and me and our friends and families, the mayor and city council, the superintendent of schools, the president of your bank, the cheerleaders and football team.  We all made it.

The hiding and eliminating of bad smells is big business here in America.  Essential oils and potpourri, plug in scents that switch back and forth so you don't become inured to them, carpet powders, fabric sprays, clothing made with antimicrobial fabrics, everything is scented nowadays.  Especially things designed to keep us smelling like what we are:  Human Beings.  Have you checked the fabric softener aisle lately?  Nose boggling. Anyway, here are a couple of interesting products you might not have heard about: