SOME GUYS I HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE TO KNOW

DUDE!

A FEW GOOD MEN

HOARDING?

Well I think it's all in how you look at it.  

This is part of our garage and I need to go buy some more plastic bins to put stuff in and organize it.  But the other day I was doing exactly that when I found something that really scared me.

I found these scattered in different places throughout the garage, and got them all together, a total of 8 cans of WD-40.  For a 2-person household.  This is what happens when your hoarding gets so bad that you can't find your WD-40, so you go to the store and buy a new can.  Again and again and again.

WHAT MEDICAL TRANSCRIPTIONISTS TALK ABOUT

"Molly":    Do you think anteroseptum is actually an okay word to use?    she is talking about the anterior septum, not saying anterior septal for anteroseptal.

"Polly":   I type it, I think its funky but that's what she always says.

"Molly":   k - I'll go with it then. htx.

"Polly":  But I know, kind of like frontohead.

"Molly":  LOL!

"Polly":  Oh, I got a terrible SQ error  yesterday....pectus extra bottom deformity!

"Molly":  omg!  How funny!   At least it wasn't a transcriptionist error!

"Polly": yeah.  I  fixed it right away .

"Molly":  I think I have that disease... extrabottom deformity that is!

"Polly": Me Too!!!

"Molly": : LOL!

"Polly":Where is that extra bottom icon!

 

GRANDSON NOAH, ONE PIC PER MONTH, EVERY MONTH FOR HIS 48 MONTHS ON EARTH

SUNDAY ROAST EASY AS PIE

Put the roast in the crockpot, add salt and pepper, onion gravy mix, a cup of water, a bag of baby carrots, a Knorr garlic cube and a bag of seasoning blend (onions, peppers, etc.).  Cook on low for 9 hours!  Ymmmmmm.

GET YOUR FILES IN ORDER!

 

These poly folders will hold up a lot better than paper but remember to tape the labels on as they don't stick very well.  It's all for my new "Tropical" office theme.  Hopefully to make me feel like I am on vacation even when I'm not.

HERE BE ZEBRAS!!!

All these medical shows tell you when you hear hooves, look for horses not zebras.  My family had a zebra!
In June, My brother in law was taken by ambulance to a hospital for weird behavior, combative behavior and acting drunk.  Tests revealed 4x the legal limit of blood alcohol.  But my sister knows her husband...After research and pushing for tests at the hospital...they found auto brewery syndrome.   A yeast disorder where your body produces alcohol.  Very interesting.  And quite a relief as it is controlled by diet.
Wow.

And to My Loyal Feng Shui Adviser, I Leave $3 Billion

From what I can gather about Feng Shui, other than the silly mystical aspects, is basically making your surroundings harmonious, comfortable and safe.  It is said that having a sofa in the dining room  leaning against the bedroom wall is good turtle.  We also be mindful not to spend too much time cooking with our backs to the door.  Other than that, I think you can just use your good sense.

I do know that in American culture, especially in the west, you always sit where you can see everyone else, and especially the door.  And in a couple's bedroom, the man should always sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door in case of an intruder.  I was also taught that a man always walks on the street side of the sidewalk because that is the dangerous side.  Also that way, the woman gets to look in all the windows.

Anyway here are some examples of bad feng shui.  According to me.

MY NEPHEW DOES IT AGAIN

He posted this video with the following note:

"I didn't find a video with the song and lyrics, so I made it. my very first video ever. Please watch.  BTW someone nicely looked it up and pointed out a mistake. Where it says "misses the fruit flies" apparently it should be "Mrs. Baird Fruit Pies"

One of My Top 10 All Time Favorite Songs 

It's the perfect song to usher in the new summer. And another year. I will be 57 this summer.  For me, this song brings up all the poignancy, nostalgia and regret associated with getting older.

According to Wikipedia -
The Boys of Summer is a song by Don Henley, with lyrics written by Henley and music composed by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers's guitarist Mike Campbell. It is the lead track and first single from Henley's 1984 album Building the Perfect Beast. The song's music video won many awards.  In a 1987 interview with Rolling Stone, Henley explained that the song is more about aging and questioning the past.

And speaking of sunglasses, you should always wear sunglasses with proper UV protection to shield your eyes from the sun's harmful ultraviolet rays. This may help reduce your risk of cataracts  and other eye damage.Look for sunglasses that protect you from 99 to 100 percent of both UVA and UVB light. This includes those labeled as "UV 400," which blocks all light rays with wavelengths up to 400 nanometers. (This covers all of UVA and UVB rays.)  P.S. Great deal below on UV 400

List Price:	$29.95
Price:	$1.99
You Save:	$27.96 (93%)

Should I wear sunglasses today?  Click here and find out!

REAGAN GETS A HAIRCUT AND CHANGES INTO SOMEONE ELSE

This One Time, At Schlitterbahn...

Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing

Since our reservations were canceled at Mountain Breeze Camp tomorrow and also since we will be dog-sitting for my daughter while she goes to Schlitterbahn next week, my thoughts have turned to a montage of water park moments of the past. We have had many adventures at Schlitterbahn in New Braunfels.  

The most charming:  Going about the motel room while my 2 year old granddaughter laid on the fold out bed with her doll, she silently watched me  going back and forth as I got ready for bed, about 20 minutes worth of all the stuff I have to do before bed, following me with her eyes the entire time, never saying a word.

The saddest:   Being paged by my daughter several times trying to let us know her husband was seriously ill.  We did finally hear the page.  It is pretty shocking to hear your name being called all over Schlitterbahn.  He recovered that time, but it was not too long later that he died from heart disease. 

The most painful:  Getting out of the car in the parking lot when a little dog ran up and bit my son on the leg.  First stop:  Tickets.  Second stop:  First Aid.

The most difficult:  Climbing to the top of the tallest ride with my adult children outpacing me, while I would stop and have to catch my breath. 

The nicest:  At the end of a long day, getting into the hot tub while a soft warm rain bathed us all into bliss.  

The most embarrassing:  In a small townhouse with all my kids, grand-kids and various spouses etc...me coming out of the bathroom and telling them (ala Dumb and Dumber) "Do NOT go IN there!"....the smell following me out into the living room and everyone gagging and ewing and "MOM!" ing and someone saying the smell was so bad they  could SEE it hovering up around the ceiling! 

The second most expensive:  An evening at the arcade after the rest of the park had closed down (we stayed at the resort, which is so worth it.)

The most expensive:  Deciding I could not sleep in the same resort town home as my rowdy up all night 'adult' children and getting another room at the last minute.

The creepiest:  Playing with grand-kids in the motel hot tub at night, noticed one strange guy staring at them...then realized he was staring at my LITTLE GRANDSON!

The scariest:  Watching from the balcony as three of the most precious people in the world to me bungee jumped and disappeared behind the trees.  

The most aggravating:  Walking the five stories to the top of the ride with young kids in tow, thinking they could ride in our laps.  NOT.  We had to wait for my son in law to go all the way back and rent them some baby tubes and bring them all the back up to the top again.  Really aggravating for him.  

The funniest:  I was walking to another ride with my teen kids, and this young drunk guy behind me stepped on my ankle.  I glared at him then kept on walking.  Then he did it again.  I took my huge tube and slammed him with it.  He fell into one of those ropes, into a line of people, taking down a couple of rope holders and landing on the ground.  We walked off as his peeps helped him up, my kids seeing me for the first time in a new light.

No matter what though, I love the place, there is nothing like it in the world.  I am very sorry to hear it flooded the other day but they should be back in business soon.   

(P.S.  It is so funny the spellchecker wants to change Schlitterbahn to "scatterbrain.")

Water Parks in Texas: Schlitterbahn, Hawaiian Falls Garland, Splashtown Waterpark Houston, Hawaiian Falls the Colony 

O OOH-OOH THAT SMELL, CAN'T YOU SMELL THAT SMELL?

Yesterday I explored good smells.  I guess I need to talk about the other side of that. Americans are known by other countries as being extremely clean and good smelling.  That's because of our phobia about natural smells like sweat and dogs and waste and decomp and stuff.

Decomposition is tricky.  Like some guy once said about pornography, "I can't describe it, but I know it when I see it", that's the way I feel about decomp.  Since it is carried by the wind, usually you will smell it for a minute, then it will go away.  That's what makes it so hard to find.  Once it took us several days to find a dead cat under our house, squirming with maggots.

I have a pretty good sense of smell.  Once in East Texas we had a dishwasher that smelled terrible when you opened it.  The odor was just like that of menstrual blood.  But the dishwasher was clean as a whistle.  Finally it broke, and when the repairman came, he found the drain clogged with iron.  Iron, from the red dirt of east texas, was in the water and everything.  Even our dogs pooped red.  Iron, which is a big component of menstrual blood.

It seems like every 7th grade kid in Texas makes the obligatory trip to the Alamo for Texas History.  I recall our home room teacher, Paul Dralle, instructing us all to take a bath that morning and to wear deodorant.  Thirty years later I was walking past the school of my 8th grade niece in Carmine, who pointed out the 7th grader's wing.  "Seventh-graders stink," she said. Which reminded me of Mr. Dralle's speech.

One of the most evil smells I know is Valerian root.  Take a whiff.  Make a gross face.  The take second whiff to see if it is as bad as you think.  It is.  It's like smelly sneakers sprinkled with parmesan cheese.  Then make all your friends smell it.  Once I sprinkled some down my blouse and sat next to my brother-in-law to see if he would do anything.  He's so polite, from Costa Rica, He did not say a word until I revealed the scam.

And you know how we Americans like to think we smell so good and everything.  Drive by the sewage plant sometime without holding your breath.  We made that smell.  You and me and our friends and families, the mayor and city council, the superintendent of schools, the president of your bank, the cheerleaders and football team.  We all made it.

The hiding and eliminating of bad smells is big business here in America.  Essential oils and potpourri, plug in scents that switch back and forth so you don't become inured to them, carpet powders, fabric sprays, clothing made with antimicrobial fabrics, everything is scented nowadays.  Especially things designed to keep us smelling like what we are:  Human Beings.  Have you checked the fabric softener aisle lately?  Nose boggling. Anyway, here are a couple of interesting products you might not have heard about:

 OLFACTORY NONSCENTS

A few years ago my ex husband  had a laryngectomy for cancer of the larynx.  The surgery changes you in weird ways, because you no longer breath through your nose or mouth.  You breathe through a hole in your neck.  A few years after his surgery he was playing golf and had a heart attack.  Luckily one of the people nearby was a nurse, who knew to give him CPR by chest pressure and blowing air into the hole in his neck.  Had someone given him normal CPR he would have died from lack of oxygen.  Another way it changed him was made him hesitant to go out on the pier behind our house.  Had he fallen in the water he simply would have drowned, the water rushing into the hole in his neck and into his lungs.   Another thing that changed was his sense of smell.  It was gone.  He was unable to smell gas or smoke or any number of noxious things that could have killed him. He lost most of his sense of taste, but completely lost his olfactory faculty.  The exquisite sense of smell that is such a gift and a pleasure for  most of us. 

Long story short...I love and appreciate my sense of smell.  Whether you want to call it aromatherapy or smelling the roses, I spend maybe too much money on refining what kind of molecules enter my nose. But here again the advertising industry, knowing our weakness for novelty, has exploited our sense of smell and we may be on the brink of scentsory overload!  And because describing a smell is impossible without referring to another smell, we have been inundated with new techniques to give us an idea of what products smell like.  I'm at a loss.  How the hell am I supposed to know what a Moroccan market smells like, or a river in Thailand?  Here are some examples.

Air Freshener

FEBREZE DESCRIPTIONS

Thai Dragon Fruit™ Famous for an abundance of dragon fruits, mangoes and papayas, the winding canals of Thailand inspired this wonderful scent.

Brazilian Carnaval™ The airy scent of lush green açai berry palms that billow in the Amazon winds.
Moroccan Bazaar™ Fresh-ground ginger, one of the many stimulating scents at a Moroccan spice market.

Think these are pretty esoteric?  Wait, the language gets more florid when it comes to candles.

CANDLE DELIRIUM DESCRIPTIONS
Voluspa Maison Laguna candle is reminiscent of velvet sand and dazzling azure seas as the gentle Santa Ana winds pull warm desert air into the Pacific.
Voluspa Maison Elysian Garden candle is like speckled sunlight shining on trees into ferns, moss and grotto. A mix of sun warmed citrus fruit and gentle green foliage.
Actor/Model/Waiter/Whore from A Scent of Scandal is a lime scented soy candle.

          I kind of like that last one, but it gets worse:

MORE CANDLE DELIRIUM DESCRIPTIONS
Godiva Black Almond Truffle candle is roasted black almonds and velvet dark chocolate, enhanced with a hint of golden honey and the unique character of a toasted sesame accord. (Huh? Sesame accord? )
Belle of India candle (price $85.00 ): jasmine absolute. The glamour and sensuality of India revealed through the most exquisite jasmine absolute.  (Seems like we deserve more words for $85.00)

Absinthe candle:  Long illegal in Europe and the United States, Absinthe, also known as the Green Fairy, has an elusive fragrance drawn from a secret blend of herbs and oils known for their psychedelic properties. In this signature DL &  Company perfume, Anise, Coriander, Armoise, Vetiver, and Mint give the olfactory illusion of being transported back to the world of Van Gogh, Toulouse-Lautrec, and the lost Absinthe bars of old New Orleans.

But the best descriptions are reserved for perfume.  After reading these, you have absolutely no idea what they smell like.

Britney Spears' Circus Fantasy is a fruity-floral fragrance designed entirely around her Circus album and corresponding tour. The scent opens on candy notes of sugar-coated raspberry and apricot before fading into a floral heart of fresh waterlily and red sweetheart orchid. Its fruity top notes set ablaze a vibe of fun and glamour, while a musky base gives weight to this sweet fragrance, blending with vanilla for a touch of sensuality.

Flower by Kenzo perfume is tender and sensual, representing a nomadic flower in the city, taking root in the asphalt. A crisp citrus-fruity blend with soft floral undertones, Flower is delicate and fresh like spring buds. A bouquet of top notes including rose, violet, cassia bark and amber sits on top of a musky heart of almond and vanilla, and a rich base of urban energy accords.

Issey Miyake's A Scent for women smells precisely as it appears it would: minimalistic, simple and clear. Inspired by the crisp aroma of the mountains of Japan, A Scent is fresh and pleasantly fruity, with a wave of jasmine, hyacinth and cedar resting atop French verbena, lemon, and a base of balmy galbanum.

And on that note, I will leave you with what I smell right now,
a perfume I got yesterday called "Still" by JLo.  
Here's how I would describe it.      

It smells good.

The Deadly Bread Clip

Bread clips are rarely found as foreign bodies in the gastrointestinal tract. When present, the clip can adhere to the mucosa causing obstruction, perforation, or bleeding. There have been twenty three reported cases of bread clips found in the gastrointestinal tract. Bowel obstruction and perforation are the most common clinical presentations. Our patient is the second reported case world-wide of gastrointestinal bleeding caused by a bread clip. The small bowel is the most common site of impaction thought to be due to the smaller diameter and irregularly folded mucosa. Esophageal and colonic impactions have also been described. Complications may arise up to years after ingestion. As there was no expiration date on our patient's clip, it was impossible to estimate the time from ingestion. Most cases of ingested bread clips are elderly, edentulous patients. Our patient's accidental ingestion was due to his severe vision impairment. Diagnosis is often difficult secondary to unawareness of ingestion and radiolucency on x-ray. Therefore, impaction of a radiolucent foreign body should always be considered in the differential of gastrointestinal bleeding. Given the significant morbidity and mortality related to bread clip ingestion, some countries have eliminated their use while others are looking for a newly-designed clip.

Question:  What did the patient think he was eating? Is there any food that resembles a bread clip?  If so, please name it.

THE EXPLANATION OF EVERYTHING

At Least When It Comes to Math

(According to My Friend Austin)

But then you probably already knew that.

Some Things I Learned When I Went Back (Again) to School

 Marfan Syndrome

 Marfan syndrome (also called Marfan's syndrome) is a genetic disorder of the connective tissue.  NOT the lights that appear in the sky around Marfa.

Pessary

A pessary is a medical device similar to the outer ring of a diaphragm. Therapeutic pessaries are used to support the the insides of a woman's pussery.

 Teratoma

A teratoma is an encapsulated tumor with tissue or organ components resembling normal derivatives of all three germ layers. Teratomas have been reported to contain hair, teeth, bone and very rarely more complex organs such as eye,torso, and hands, feet, or other limbs.  I think I knew a couple from math class.

 Fistula

 A fistula (pl. fistulas or fistulae) is an abnormal connection or passageway between two epithelium-lined organs or vessels that normally do not connect. This is a little Darwinian warning not to keep anything in, or else it will tunnel a canal through your skin and burst out.

 Concha Bullosa

 Concha bullosa  Concha Bullosa is an abnormal pneumatization of the middle turbinate which may interfere with normal ventilation of sinus ostia and can result in recurrent sinusitis.  I just put this one in because I like to say it:  Concha bullosa.

DELICIOUS AND HEALTHY AND I DRINK IT EVERY DAY!

PUT ALL IN A BLENDER AND DRINK:

 

My Funny Nephew

Jameson Meetmehalf-way Madere
yea, honestly.. i have no idea how this picture got here... i know my mom took pictures and put it on the computer, but i mean.. how did it get on my profile?!?!

Deborah Mills
you are hilarious jameson..I really love your posts!

Jameson Meetmehalf-way Madere
ok, honestly, i DONT get it! how am i funny? im NEVER funny, did the planets align or something to make it opposite day? HOW did i get funny and HOW did i get to be like my brother josh whenever i post highly intellectual things that put way too much thought into something like everyone says, but i say is the opposite... wait.. i think i know...
PUBERTY! i cant tell if its good or bad though... its like i have a dog cone on and the answer is cemented or something onto my back!\\

Deborah Mills
LOL!!!

Jameson Meetmehalf-way Madere
STOP LAUGHING! it makes me feel uncomfortable!

 Deborah Mills
I CAN'T STOP. STOP MAKING ME LAUGH!

Jameson Meetmehalf-way Madere
theres a theological rift in the current standpoint of our universe's state of existence, time, and reality!

Deborah Mills
OH STOP!!!!

APOLOGY WAFFLES

Yep, that'll work.

CAPRIAL AND JOHN HAVE GOT NOTHING ON THIS COOKING DUO

This is the grandkids from this weekend.

A Prayer Answered

Jennifer Has Found Work in Amarillo

Amarillo by Morning

And Thanks To Jeremy for Helping Her Pack

I Love it When My Kids Help Each Other Out

Congratulations Jennifer

Love, Mom

 O.K. Let's Do This!

 

 I cannot believe I am actually going to do this, but necessity is the mother of invention, and I have got to be thrifty.  So I have decided to make my own slatted roman shades for the bedroom.  Not only that, but I have completely set myself up for failure by doing a top-down bottom-up type of shade which you can raise from the bottom, lower from the top, or both.  Cool for letting light in without loss of privacy while still allowing air in from an open window.  Hey, how hard can it be?

Like a Classic Roman Shade, a TDBU Shade is made with a fabric front backed with a drapery lining. The same type Headrail with pulleys or screw eyes and perhaps cord locks, is attached to the wall or window. Unlike a Classic Roman shade, the Top-Down shade is not attached to the headrail with Velcro (or staples). The shade "hangs" from a second set of lift cords that are tied to the top of the shade. Since the Headrail is exposed when the shade is "dropped", it is covered with a small Valance.

Pictures to follow.  I am starting tomorrow.  Sad thing is, if this works the way I want it to, then I am going to have to make four more for the living room. 

'LACK'S FURNITURE'

A guy I knew back in the 80's used to always answer his phone "Lack's Furniture" which I thought was funny so I started doing it for a year or so until it lost its funniness.  Anyway, we bought some furniture at Lack's and it arrived today, so the house has that new furniture smell. Now if we can just get our TV back from the repairman, we will have our living room back. 

This is when they were bringing it in and Chuck was trying to keep the dog away.

There is a lot of crap that we moved over and have to get rid of.  And that window treatment has got to go!  

And I finally get to use my mod throw pillows I bought 3 years ago when I thought we were going to buy Teresa Strain's atomic house.

You can see the dog's eyes glowing in the picture above.  Otherwise she blends right in.  Oh, while I am thinking about it, my new name is going to be "Mrs. Chinchilla," Tasha will become "Badonkadonk" and Chuck may be known as "Deuteronomy," I don't know, it's hard to say.  Sorry for any inconvenience this causes you.

Anyway, it's a sectional, so you can see the rest of it above. 

Only 18 months and it will be mine, all mine.

Buddy Ganem Squirrel Busted

The infamous "Buddy Ganem Squirrel" has been apprehended and is being held at the San Patricio County Jail in Sinton, Texas.   Bail has been set at $1000.00.

According to S. Williams, she and the squirrel "had a stare-down" yesterday, and after a few tense minutes the squirrel finally looked away. Apparently the squirrel knew at that point that he "was going down" because he caused an unprecedented amount of damage that night, including taking down a dried flower wall swag. 

However, the squirrel gave himself up the next day, resignedly walking into the trap and closing the door behind him. 

Ms. Williams expressed relief that the Buddy Ganem Squirrel was off the most wanted list but said she had forgiven him in her heart, and that she hoped that they had him on suicide watch.

Buddy Ganem Squirrel Hits Home for Second Time

The infamous "Buddy Ganem Squirrel" vandalized the home of an S. Williams for a second time yesterday, causing "significant chaos."  

Ms. Williams vowed that the next time "she would call an exterminator."    The rodent was dubbed the Buddy Ganem Squirrel because of the territory it frequents, possibly being displaced due to the building of a motel on property adjacent to Buddy Ganem Road.  

Houses in the neighborhood of Memorial Parkway are being inundated, their owners coming home to a blitzkrieg of rack and ruin.

"It was a shambles," said Ms. Williams.  The pictures below capture the havoc wreaked by the unruly animal.

"This...CREATURE....has come into my home, violated my space, and just plain made a mess,"  sobbed Ms. Williams. "And this is not the first time!  This so called BG squirrel was here a few months ago, inflicting mayhem, doom and destruction.  Why THIS house?  Why ME?  Oh the humanity!" cried Ms. Williams as she fainted to the floor.

She got up immediately.  "Is nothing sacred?" she went on. My beloved family photographs.  On the floor.  Face down." she pointed out.  "These things can't just be replaced, you know? " She sighed heavily as she surveyed the calamity again, despair and tears in her blue eyes as she wearily looked around the room.

Suddenly her eyes opened widely and she exclaimed "The squirrel dookie was everywhere!"  The devastated blonde shivered.  Her eyes glazed over as she repeated "The horror.  The horror."

Police officers on the scene could not located the Buddy Ganem squirrel and have called off the search on account of darkness and it being past suppertime.  If you see the squirrel, do not attempt to apprehend.  Call the police immediately at 911.